Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When did angry sex become our thing?
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I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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