I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize