I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize