This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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