there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize