Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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