I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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