Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
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My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize