Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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