If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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