Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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