just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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