"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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