i think my tv is drunk
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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