holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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