The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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