theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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