There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize