DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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