He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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