Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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