I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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