thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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