Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need water and some morals
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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