you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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