I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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