Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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