seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just cropdusted the office
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize