So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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