the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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