Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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