and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
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There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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