My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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