I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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