TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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