You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize