well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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