So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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