I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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