see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
