I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize