Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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