I'm laying in your front yard are you home
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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