i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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