I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize