He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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