The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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