When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We are two peas in an std pod
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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