i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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