Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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